How to Scare Your Employees’ Pants Off
The method to make a company go from bad to worse is somewhat straightforward. First things first, spread rumours implying that the company loses money. Loads of it. That way, employees who have worked hard will feel relieved to see that their efforts are useless: whatever the amount of work, money won’t get in.
Next, send random people, that no one knows, in the offices to take measures. Order them to remain silent. They just look, try to spot the network plugs, look again, nod thoughtfully and mutter: “We’ll put the machines there”. “There” being the place where you’re sitting right now, the atmosphere thereby created will be all the more tensed. In the following hours, rumours will spread even better and people will gather, being non-productive and puzzled. And a bit scared as well.
The chairman must then send an email to all employees, letting dangle in the air that redundancies are expected according to the Board meeting. Write also that you cannot say anything, just mention redundancies. That’s all. The effect will be tremendous: people will shit their pants off and stop working.
The method does work. It’s somewhat smelly around here today…
